My parents used to abandon me a lot as a child. In the morning, they'd take me to my school and then abandon me there, until school got out. Then at night, after they tucked me in bed, they'd abandon me and go to sleep in their own bedroom. Sometimes they'd let me sleep with them in their room, but if I started playing my guitar they'd take me back to my bedroom and abandon me again. Once, they abandoned me for a whole week, at my grandparents' house. - Jack Handy